Hidden

I have this feeling in my head
The kind of feeling that wants to be fed
But my stomach disagrees
You see
I have a hundred thousand butterflies
But none of them can cry
My head just spins and spins and spins
Circling and twisting and turning
A tornado stuck in place
I drill myself into the ground
Safe and sound
Where I won’t feel lost
Where I can’t be found

Beneath the surface
I bring with me what’s under my surface
Because this is something I need to face
Thinking that life is a test that I need to ace
Thinking that every problem is either wrong or right
That admitting I’m wrong can never be right
That winning an argument is all that matters, am I right?

With a shell on my back I escape into myself
Where no one can touch me
Where no one can hear me
Where no one can see me
Where no one can see me

What if instead of going inside of myself
I moved outside of myself
I know feelings are meant to be felt
But all I do is act
All I do is react
These feelings aren’t facts
I’m not trying to be abstract
I’m trying to make an impact

I don’t want it to be hard to be soft
I want that to be hard is to be soft
So I can bend and not break
So I can feel without hate
Can I learn this now
Or am I too late

Better late than never
It’s never too late to be better

Out goes the need for validation
In comes the self confirmation
Out goes the need for medication
In comes the practice of meditation
Out goes the victimization
In comes the positive vibration
Out goes the social isolation
In comes the emotional resuscitation
Out goes the breath
Out goes the self
In comes the breath
In comes the wealth
Out goes the breath
Out goes the fears
In comes the breath
In comes the tears
Out goes the breath
Out goes the violence
In comes the breath
In comes the silence

I dig myself out
Turning myself inside out
No more cages for this butterfly
I unbury my head and begin to cry